Monday, 13 July 2009

Should I become a Recluse?

Sorry I have not posted for a while - but glad you are all keeping yourselves amused arguing about my last post!

Don't quite know what has happened, but I think I may be becoming a recluse.

No desire to Tweet, much less desire to post than normal...

Maybe it's a feeling of wanting privacy, definitely insecurity (if I Tweet what I am doing then the whole world knows when I'm not home) and generally a feeling of whether I want to conitinue with this idea of 'public persona'.

Any ideas Stephen?

Keep on in the spotlight or retreat to the shadows for a while?


julesbrad said...

This is a turn around from all the grief you gave people who came on and posted as annonymous...

Lets see if this post gets as many responses as your last one lol

Stephen said...

Where would you rather be Rachel?

The 'beautiful essence in you' or the insecure, fragile persona that is rarely satisfied, never shuts up and hardly ever stands still?

Are you a clown Rachel dancing to the false tunes of the bourgeosie?

Or are you a beautifully innocent child, unspoilt by the illusion?

Chris (MCC) said...

Rachel, I do't comment much on here. But you are going through trouble times! We all fall, it's just how we get back up!

This one is your choice????

Question for you... What do you want in 5 years down the line? What's the goal for you? Where do you see yourself???


Chris Yates

Stephen said...

Rachel doesn't need to visualise the future Chris, in order to get to something where she will become happier.

She just needs to realise that she has already arrived.

She is already a beautiful person inside.

She should be grateful for that.

julesbrad said...

Did not finish my response with my earlier post.

I doubt that you will feel this way for too long as you always seem happiest when you are helping others. Maybe you have just spent too long helping others and you need time to recharge your batteries before getting back into the driving seat - take a while being a passenger and enjoy the ride.

Possibly take the opportunity to try your hand at something completely different that you have never tried before. Look around for something else which is probably not even connected to business in any way, just to let your hair down with something quite selfishly only for yourself and enjoy being free from your usual restraints.

Hani O'Keeffe said...

I loved your talk at the 'marketing magicians' seminar Rachel, you always exude a calm and tranquil presence and a great deal of warmth, humour and creativity. You obviously enjoy connecting with and helping people.
I think most people feel the need to withdraw and be alone sometimes, but if you like and need to be with people, it doesn't last.
If it helps, I am sure some of us would be happy to share a cup of tea with you, I'll make a cake. If you would like to spend a day painting, let me know!

Stephen said...

I think Hani has just hit the nail right on the head Rachel.

I guess sometimes we need to channel our energies in order to recover our spirit again.

Some people will do this by doing crossword puzzels, jigsaw or chess.

Whilst others achieve this through drawing and painting.

You are what you are, but i guess when the spirit is low and the tendancy is to become reclusive - you could do with a little help from your friends.

So its tea, cake and painting in the sunlight for you.

God knows, i need some of that myself.

Mr C said...


Look after yourself and do what is best for you, not what you think is best for your public persona or adoring fans. If that means buggering off then do it.

Heh, just think you can become an anonymous contributor to some blogs...


Mr A Dragon said...

OMG! I havent been on here for a while, but it seems I came back in the nick of time!

Rachel, you are either committed to what you are doing or you arent, you either want to help businesses or you dont.

If you want to take a holiday, take a holiday, but please dont post your faux "Rachel in Turmoil" nonsense, because its not professional, it says that you dont want to do what you are doing and it implies that the "you helping business thing" has been a front..

If you are committed to it, but think you havent got the balance right, change it, dont moan about it!

All my love


Stephen said...

Rachel is a human being first Mr A Dragon and a professional second.

The "Professional persona" is just part of an image. As is "reputation" and all the other so called ways of identification and measurement of people.

The stiff upper lip has led this country to the brink of disaster.

Now its time for some honesty.


Karen Sterling said...

I went through the same when I was studying Shamanism some years ago experiencing mind, body and soul processes/techniques for the first time meant thoughts/memories/feelings came to the surface that I had thought I had dealt with but I had either filed them away or blocked them out. I focused on myself and my daughter, and my emotions with help from a non judgemental friend. To be able to help others I had to help myself first, when I felt I needed to I spent time away from public life. Listen to yourself, trust your instincts.

Stephen said...

How so true Karen. Especially the part about helping yourself, before helping others. Contrary to popular belief the release of suffering begins with YOU and then widens out to include others.

The intention just always needs to be to release the suffering of others. And this you do by first ensuring that you are spiritually, emotionally and physically ready to undertake the journey.

I tried it the other way around and it didn't work.

So, very good advice there.

Anonymous said...

How so true Stephen & Karen.
I am currently in this process now, it has taken some time to start the process, but having read a couple of books which have inspired me to do so, I have eventually started, and of course much inspiration from a very very dear friend.
The transition period can be quite a strain, but I am sure that once I am through this life will be so much better.


Stephen said...

Reclusiveness seems to be very much a part of what some call
"learned helplessness".

The CIA use a process of torture on their victims that leads the victim to "learn helplessness".

Depression is a form of "learned helplessness". This learning for some is the result of years of relenteless loss and failure. You become 'conditioned' by a different kind of torture. A largely self-imposed torture, which is largely the product of setting too high an expectation on yourself, which never seems to ever get realised.

When you "learn helplessness" you want to hide away from the world and become entirely self indulgent.

So i would say, if you are learning helplessness, better stop.

Why would you ever do that when you can think in so many better ways?

eden1992 said...

In life you try you fail. You try you fail. But the only real failure is when you give up trying.

Mr A Dragon said...

I agree with Stephens point about "learned helplessness", but other than that, I am amazed at the level Psuedo-spiritual BS on here!

I dont need Shamanism, Catholicism, Marxism or any other "ism" to know where I am going. If I have a bad day I just think about my beautiful girlfriend and 2 year old daughter and thats all the therapy I need..

Self pity is a form of selfishness, its focussing on what you arent getting rather than what you can give - snap out of it!


Karen S said...

Oh my, that's it, Mr A Dragon has found exactly what every person, councellor, therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist has been missing!
We should all take heed of his massively empathetic wisdom, where would we be without your advice? Why hasn't it been thought of before?
I'm going to count backwards from 5 and when I click my fingers we're all going to 'snap out of it'

Mr A Dragon said...

"Oh my, that's it, Mr A Dragon has found exactly what every person, councellor, therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist has been missing!
We should all take heed of his massively empathetic wisdom, where would we be without your advice? "

Thats OK Karen, my pleasure, another satisfied customer...


Hani O'Keeffe said...

I agree with Karen. As for Bob! I know someone else who emphatically does not believe in any 'isms' my how you would both get on!

Stephen said...

Belief is a box on your head!

Try living without believing.

Try living without conscious thought.

Did you die already!
Did you kill already!
Did you go mad!



Anonymous said...

Hmm, I think the reason we help others is almost an escape from our own problems, then one day we wake up and realise that it is I that needs to help I.
In saying that though, I do take real pleasure in helping others, supporting others. I actually had a similar conversation with someone the other day, it boiled to why are we so good at helping each other but we as human beings somehow cannot do it for ourselves.
But after having read this string of comments, from Stephen, Karen and Hani I think the nail has been hit on the head.
But will keep helping others whenever and wherever, even if it is detrimental to my own issues, I just love to help others.

All the best to all of you.


Stephen said...

The human spirit is like a power source.

Fully energised it will spread the ring of light around you and touch millions of peoples hearts.

Depleted, it will drag you into the bowels of the earth and not even your relentless desire to reach out will save you. In fact (in this state), the very act of reaching out - only serves to drag you back farther.

People shouldn't mistake the act of tending to ones spirit with an act of selfishness.

When you return home from war, it is a time for reflection and recovery. This is not selfishness - this is selflessness. Because you are readying yourself for the next encounter to save souls.

indavao said...

hi... just dropping by!

Mr C said...

While you people have been indulging in airing your own fears and theories it appears to have escaped your notice that Rachel has reclused so to speak (assuming you can make a verb out of the noun).


By the way, my sympathies to those of you who have or are about to have swine flu; its not much fun I can tell you.

Anonymous said...

Mr C, how do you know she has reclused? Maybe she is on her annual break, after all the hard work she has done in the last year!!


Mr C said...

Perhaps she has but what is sad is that nobody seemed to notice...


Karen S said...

Since its the beginning of the school holidays she may be spending time with her family and friends.

Its not unusual for periods of time without blog posts and comments from Rachel.

Hani O'Keeffe said...

'Perhaps she has but what is sad is that nobody seemed to notice...'

Not true at all Mr C


Anonymous said...

I agree with Hani, it's not true, for had we not noticed, then we would not be posting comments.

And yeah Karen you are right also, maybe Rachel is taking time out to be with her boys over the holidays, isn't that what being parents is all about, bringing up children, nurturing them, spending quality time with them. :-)


Anne Herbert said...

or even at a speaker's conference in Phoenix? Avid attendees to her webinars will know Rachel cancelled this week's webinar in favour of a last minute invitation.
It's nice to see so many people missing Rachel - Mr C... :-)

Rachel Elnaugh said...

Hello Everyone!

Yep I was in Phoenix - at the suggestion of Alan Stevens (The Media Coach) who is president of The UK National Speaking Association, and who suggested that if I was interested in speaking in the US I should go to the National Speakers Annual Convention there.

But as I had been promising my kids a trip to the US for some time I decided to take them with me and so we hired a RV and toured California before heading out to Arizona.

So glad I went, as it clarified a lot of things for me.

Also, interestingly how wonderfully refreshing it is to go to a conference and be TOTALLY unknown and anonymous !!!

More to be revealed in coming posts.


julesbrad said...

Welcome back Rachel and good to hear the break had a positive effect for you.

Looking forward to your future revealing posts.....intriguing.

"Also, interestingly how wonderfully refreshing it is to go to a conference and be TOTALLY unknown and anonymous !!!"
So it's true, you have seen that being anonymous can be useful and is not wholly negative

Leona said...

A wise woman once taught me to go with my natural flow.

Its not surprising you are wanting to retreat a little with everything going on right now, maybe you just need a little time to be a hermit, relax, refocus, heal and regroup. This may be what your subconscious is telling you.

So maybe you should take your own advice and go with your natural flow, we and the rest of the world will still be here when you come back re-energised and ready to take on your next mountain.

Anonymous said...

Hello Rachel, we are all of us, to one degree or another, on a journey home to self.

You ask if you should become a recluse?

Well, it is your life Rachel - could it be time to jump off that metaphorical cliff and ‘be’ who you were born to be - be that a recluse or otherwise!?!

“Come to the edge”, he said.
They said: “we are afraid.”
“Come to the edge”, he said.
They came.
Then he pushed them…
…and they flew!
Guillaume Apollinaire

When we take this journey we are to fasten our seat belt and get ready for a trip of a lifetime! This ride is like no other, it takes us up and down, round and around; at times you laugh and at times you cry; we are happy and sad - sometimes both at the same time!

This is a journey upon which we are to meet both the light and the dark sides of ourselves, in relation to which I would recommend reading The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.

At times we want to be alone, at times with others, and at times we don’t know what we want or who we are anymore. This is because the illusion that we are able to create at times, as our self identity, is simply that, a manufactured identity, and not who we truly are.

If we are trying to cover something up, or run away from ourselves, at some point there is no where to run, apart from full throttle into meeting ourselves head on.

This is scary, which is why for most part, us humans will do everything within our power to deny ‘self’ by way of creating those illusions of which we speak.

In truth, we are afraid of how amazing we truly are. We are afraid of the bits we don’t like so we cover them up. We are shaped by traditions and beliefs that may not be our own, and we can become lost amongst them. But not forever!!!

How many people do you know that are TRULY HAPPY? Many of those that I am privileged to meet, who say to others that they are tell me a whole different story!

Not happy with themselves, their jobs, partners, etc…etc. They feel that there is something missing!

Once we acknowledge the fact that things are not as we might wish them to be, something awakens within and who we thought we were turns to goo, like a caterpillar inside a chrysalis, which will soon become and emerge a beautiful butterfly - one form not remotely resembling the other!

This is both exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time, I know, I have been there!

Curtains will twitch Rachel, tongues will wag, yet who are we to judge another without first taking a look in the mirror and a journey to knowing our true self.

I read a quote this week that I now share with you: I am aware of uninformed criticism but I’m not aware of informed criticism - unknown

To be contined...

Anonymous said...

Who truly knows what you have experienced in the past, or are experiencing today, and who are we to tell you how to cope with this unless we share with you on your terms and become better informed.

In my experience the pendulum will swing from side to side with extreme force before one day becoming balanced again at which time we become whole as never before. That is of course until next time, because we come to learn that self transformation/evolution is never ending.

This is life, a never ending flow of living, learning, growing, loving and expanding.

Even death is not the end; it is only a new beginning!

We can and do create our own metaphorical deaths and re-births many times in our lifetime.

Many will say, oh no, I have not changed! …Ummmm! honest, can you truly say that you have not changed, is this statement not filled with denial, for we all change; it is the law of nature.

In the course of our lifetime our maturity levels change, our shape, size, opinions, creativity and fitness levels change…Being or becoming a goofy kid, an employee, a parent, married, divorced, business success story, and/or failure, these all create change within us. It is inevitable.

The sad thing is that in today’s society many cry alone when there is a problem. Many try to or have to cope alone. Many become depressed, addicted to food, alcohol and drugs of all descriptions. Many ‘GET OVER IT’ yet to get over anything, you have to have something to get over in the first place …and if anyone reading this has never suffered, either slightly or vastly, then perhaps they may wish to consider some compassion for those who have or are - the saying…But there but for the grace of God go I, comes to mind.

A couple of quotes for you, as well as a little insight into my own journey to finding myself, and the not dissimilar questions that I have asked along the way.

We must at first be lost in order to be found – unknown

Embarking upon a conscious journey to self five years ago, I once wondered if I should become a Nun, however felt this was not a good idea, as I like my lipstick too much and enjoy physical contact with a significant other - I am modern, drive fast sometimes and so it goes on. Not the usual lifestyle of a Nun!

It is falling together, you know. It may not look like it, but it is. Usually when your life looks like it’s falling apart, it’s really falling together. Often, for the first time. – Neale Donald Walsch

I then wondered if I should join a community, yet came to the conclusion that I am part of a world wide community already.

I thought these things whilst I was seeking to find my home, a place where I felt comfortable within my own skin. I came to realise that the place is not on the outside - this place resides within – and once we have found our way home to self, we feel at home wherever we are, whatever we are doing, whoever we are with.

When I needed time alone, I took it, not so easily done at the beginning because of my giving nature, yet I soon came to understand that ‘self care’ was vastly different to selfishness. In fact, I wondered who the selfish ones were when others were pointing at me saying that I couldn’t possibly do this and that.

To be contined..

Anonymous said...

Were they thinking of me or how my not being there for them would impact their lives?…or how by the very nature of my peeling away the layers of illusion from myself created persona would create a mirror for others?…or how my truth would shine a light on others deceit to themselves?

It is interesting when we look at things from other perspectives - givers are usually so busy giving that they do not see things from the view point of a taker. One who is currently happy soon forgets what it is like to be unhappy, unless they are to experience that experience again, when the memory is soon rekindled. A soul running does not see the perspective of one that is still, until that soul becomes still itself!

When an aircraft is experiencing turbulence we are guided to put the Oxygen masks on ourselves first, so that we are then able to attend to others.

This is a good example to consider when we are experiencing turbulence.

Of course, it would not be balanced to think of self all the time, yet when it is necessary to do so in order to safeguard your emotional, physical and intellectual well-being, it is essential.

Those who care for you Rachel will always be there to run bare foot in the grass with you, to share tea and homemade cake, offer a listening ear and even a kick up the backside, if this is what they feel you need - for even those who may appear harsh in their comments are actually showing you in their own way how they care for you.

They are offering help, support and guidance from their own viewpoint, belief system and life experiences.

Those who might tell you to pull yourself together and belittle the spiritual air that shines through at times in your blogs, are sharing with you what they have found to work for them at this time in their lives, and hope that you might find solace in your own life and future happiness from their guidance.

I say to you, take this all with gratitude and offer your own guidance as you seek and find your own solace in your own incredible and unique sometimes vulnerable way.

I learned on my own journey to be grateful for everything, even that which did not appear to be the most supportive at times, because all that we experience is given to us in order to shape us into becoming who we were born to be!

I learned that I am a human being and am here to experience the human experience. I also learned to balance this with my spiritual self by way of linking my heart and soul.

I learned to follow my instinct, my heart and my soul, for they have proved to be my only true compass to leading me home to my true self, even when my ego and thinking self thought otherwise.

As I said in the beginning, this is no picnic; however it will be a journey that you will one day be oh so glad that you embarked upon!

Good luck on your journey Rachel, I for one respect you for sharing what you have shared in the past, the present goo and all it entails and look forward to witnessing the beautiful butterfly emerge, however and whenever form she is to take.

Much love and with all good wishes, Susanne
Healing Conversations

Mr A Dragon said...

"Embarking upon a conscious journey to self five years ago, I once wondered if I should become a Nun, however felt this was not a good idea, as I like my lipstick too much"

Thats deep....


Rachel Elnaugh said...


Many thanks for your wisdom, and if you are the Susanne I think you are, thank you so much for the suggestion of Debbie Ford's book 'The Dark Side of the Light Chasers' for that is indeed the book I took with me on the trip and finished reading, so enlightening, so wonderful to understand and embrace my dark side!

My reaction/handling of others has been totally transformed as a result, I am happier now than I have been in ages.

Yes the challenges are still there, but I recognise that these exist to drive me on to find the solutions.